Tim za socijalno uključivanje i smanjenje siromaštva

Author: Snježana Jolić (Social Inclusion Blog)

(…) Social networks have brought us a new form of connecting people, and thus, through them, I’ve found many of my primary school friends. […] I was touched the most by the fate of two of my friends who, seeking happiness, entered unhappy marriages. I know it is not easy being a girl with a disability in a small town. Marked in many ways. Of course, in such places everything usually has to go according to a standard sequence, and one of the things in such a sequence is marriage. You are valued according to how much your neighbours appreciate you, what kind of young man asks for your hand, and how many children you have. If you are not married, you simply have no value. If you have a disability, your chances for marriage decrease, along with the number of suitors. Then it is usually: take what you can, and so you are convinced, in part by your environment, in part by customs, and in part by yourself, that the suitor you face must be a good guy since he wants you.

Thus these two friends of mine – one of them, as a girl, incredibly beautiful, with boys flitting about her at the time when the hormones started to work like bees around a flower, the other cute, but rather withdrawn – found their husbands. The pretty one got married to a drunkard who abuses her, beats her, and with whom she has four children. Beautiful children, just like their mother used to be, yet she is now just a shadow of that beautiful girl. I tried to find something familiar in her eye, the spark of that devil bravely stepping through life. Unfortunately, I did not find it. I did not even recognize her. If she hadn’t told me who she was, I would probably never have worked it out myself.

The other one, the withdrawn one, says her husband does not beat her, but he is hard-headed, wants everything his way. I see sadness in her eyes and I look at her two girls, even more beautiful than their mother used to be. However, what gives me joy is that she still wants to fight. She did not give up. (…)

I do not tolerate violence or violent people. I simply cannot sit in their company. When I know one of my friends was abused in their families, whether she has a disability or not, I simply wish to kidnap them and take them somewhere far away, where they would be protected. I try to help them with kind words and love, though conscious that they know it all themselves, but do not have the strength to resist, for whatever reason. However, I know that no one can be protected from violence until they protect themselves. Until they say STOP.

You have to know that you have value. You have value even if you are not married, if you have no children, you have value if you have a disability.

The text in its entirety can be found on the Social Inclusion Blog.